My relationship evolution
Relationships for me have always been tricky, looking back I think I grew up too fast mentally and the persons my age just did not appeal to me. I thought they were pretty immature and the older the men the more baggage they seemed to come with. I just could not catch a break no matter the side of the spectrum I turned.
I had these grandiose plans of how my life should be, how it should turn out and things refused to fall into place as I wanted them to. Imagine growing up in church, a good girl with all these expectations of what your life should be hanging over you and no way to have them materialize. First off I was super sheltered; something I don't believe in now that I have a kid and I'm deciding how he should be raised.secondly I was exceptionally shy when it came to speaking to members of the opposite sex.
When I started to date I was a force to be re-conned with I had my ideas and I would impose these on anyone that decided to give me a whirl.I decided my plans had a deadline and they needed to be met.
This got to be so bad that one partner told me that "I wasn't his mother" this really nagged at me and I eased off a bit. leaving that relationship I decided Ill never be a burden to anyone so I became the girl who would compromise to make others happy and boy oh boy did this ruin my self esteem, I get bun and was mistreated till I weak. The straw for me was sitting on the floor of one of my partners house and hearing him reel off a ton of lies tome while I bawled my eyes out holding the evidence of all his misdeeds in my hands.
I didn't want to be 'Someones mother" neither did I want to be a doormat" so I became what I am now and to be honest I don't think its working out very well.
I have become the girl that has given up.
I have been and I'm still sitting on the if it is to work out it will train, I don't push, I don't fight, if voices are raised I disappear because I cannot stand the confrontation. After having spent a good deal of my twenties being hurt abused and mistreated I'm no longer a fan of contention. What I am however is a huge fan of it is to be the lord will make it work. I have resigned myself to the belief that everything happens for a reason and the lord knows it all. I'm not saying I have given up on the idea of love or I don't believe that love takes work I just don't want the love that requires me to be a doormat or requires me to be accepting of neglect in any way shape or form.
Love should take work it just shouldn't take the kind of work that is exhausting or causes unhappiness love is and should always be patient, kind , considerate,love should be putting your partner first in all situations knowing that they would and should do the same. love should be blissful love should make you want more and more of the experience. Old age does teach wisdom.
These are my unedited unfiltered thoughts.
Comment , tell me how you feel about what I said and share , share , share away.
I had these grandiose plans of how my life should be, how it should turn out and things refused to fall into place as I wanted them to. Imagine growing up in church, a good girl with all these expectations of what your life should be hanging over you and no way to have them materialize. First off I was super sheltered; something I don't believe in now that I have a kid and I'm deciding how he should be raised.secondly I was exceptionally shy when it came to speaking to members of the opposite sex.
When I started to date I was a force to be re-conned with I had my ideas and I would impose these on anyone that decided to give me a whirl.I decided my plans had a deadline and they needed to be met.
This got to be so bad that one partner told me that "I wasn't his mother" this really nagged at me and I eased off a bit. leaving that relationship I decided Ill never be a burden to anyone so I became the girl who would compromise to make others happy and boy oh boy did this ruin my self esteem, I get bun and was mistreated till I weak. The straw for me was sitting on the floor of one of my partners house and hearing him reel off a ton of lies tome while I bawled my eyes out holding the evidence of all his misdeeds in my hands.
I didn't want to be 'Someones mother" neither did I want to be a doormat" so I became what I am now and to be honest I don't think its working out very well.
I have become the girl that has given up.
I have been and I'm still sitting on the if it is to work out it will train, I don't push, I don't fight, if voices are raised I disappear because I cannot stand the confrontation. After having spent a good deal of my twenties being hurt abused and mistreated I'm no longer a fan of contention. What I am however is a huge fan of it is to be the lord will make it work. I have resigned myself to the belief that everything happens for a reason and the lord knows it all. I'm not saying I have given up on the idea of love or I don't believe that love takes work I just don't want the love that requires me to be a doormat or requires me to be accepting of neglect in any way shape or form.
Love should take work it just shouldn't take the kind of work that is exhausting or causes unhappiness love is and should always be patient, kind , considerate,love should be putting your partner first in all situations knowing that they would and should do the same. love should be blissful love should make you want more and more of the experience. Old age does teach wisdom.
These are my unedited unfiltered thoughts.
Comment , tell me how you feel about what I said and share , share , share away.
A real thing.
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