Friday, 21 March 2014

I will have mustard seed faith

The other day I decided that I needed to go on a fast and so I did and to be honest I thoroughly enjoyed the euphoric feeling when I was done. I was a a bit lighter and a bit more cheerful. Fast forward a couple of days, I'm driving home from work and suddenly my car comes to a halt at a stop light it wont go forward or backward and I'm blocking the road, I restart the engine and get to a safer spot on the road where I park, knowing that something is obviously extremely wrong I begin to call around and I can get a hold of noone in my mind i am lonely slightly scared and wondering what I am tot do.
Immediately this feeling of dispair comes over me and I begin to question God and ask why he has allowed me this trial at this point in my life and how how could abandon me like this. Things in my life following my fast had quickly started to crumble (as my feeble mind would over react it) my clock broke, I slammed my fingers almost breaking one, I was genuinely wondering how I would manage the rest of the month and then that. it was all too overwhelming I wondered and questioned god and his powers and ability to guide and help me.
later that night I was in my house thinking about all that had happened to me and it hit me... Why was I questioning the motives of the man in whose hands I had put my life only a few days before the man i know is all powerful and all knowing? Yes my car shut off and ill need a major overhall or divine intervention but what if I was saved from a major accident that could have proven deadly, my finger got slammed and bled it could have been broken my clock stopped working it could have been my heart. I refuse to allow the feeble attempts of the devil to thwart me and make me doubt my god I'm gonna keep to it, stick to it, have faith in and work and wait patiently for my lord to deliver me from my tests.

Dedicated to AGT always having faith and never doubting you inspire me...  

Saturday, 15 March 2014

I dont have to love you, but I do have to like you

Im begining to to think that love is over rated. Am I wrong to feel this way? when did I begin to feel this way? And how can I change the way I feel?

The flurry of love is awesome always wanting to be around this person. Kissing them is new so it excites and rabbits have nothing on you in the sack but when all the flurry dies down,
The breathing becomes even, you start to notice the persons flaws will love be enough to hold that relationship together? my answer is hell to the freaking no.

Ive come to realise That while loving someone is good it cant be the defining factor when choosing someone to call your spouse, someone you'll choose to live with for the rest of your life.    Love van never feed you and if you've decided to have children feed children (dem nyam nufff) I believe that a partner who is a provider someone who seeks to ensure that they match you in wages or far outways should be a prime candidate a man who sits back n allows a woman to pay the bills, feed himself and her is a man to be scorned.

I think a partner who one can tolerate and who you genuinely like should be given preference over someone who is simply loved because when this person pisses you off and the "love" begins to waver  u can always always always find something to like or tolerate about the chosen lover.  If most women are like me then I know that if a man slips up enough we get fed up .. fed up with his clothes on the ground, his not being able to feed himself and his desire to constantly have you at his heel that's where like and tolerance are most handy ... those tiny tests of faith.

Love is good love is emensly wonderful... I kid you not but having someone who shares the same views that you do, that wants the same things that you do is far more valuable I believe than simply having someone you love.

Saturday, 8 March 2014

We want justice

Bwoy a tell u bout dem politicians. .. I was driving to my mothers house to day at 5miles per hour and bobbing and weaving to avoid the one million and one potholes on the road and while doing so I was quarrelling and asking myself where the blasted mp was then I went on my instagram and and there he was cutting all kinds a pose with all different kinds a ppl and things and the blasted road out fi mash up mi lil guzzler (the name of my poor old car).
    When the elections were under way this gentleman was contested by someone I thought was a worthy and by far better opponent but because he wasnt from the parish people made a big deal and didn't vote for him now we are stuck with this lizard of a road that refuses to give us suitable roads to drive on...
    Jamaicans are so averse to change that they would rather put up wid a big farred teifing politician who lies and does nothing for them than chance the unknown... im non partisan and I must say ill always vote for who has the best plans and not necessarily who I know... im sick of the  same nothingness year after blasted year.
We need to grow as citizens if we are to ever get what we truly deserve from these men and women who profess to have our best intrests at heart. What we want ...change... when we want it. .. now ... for better living conditions ,for better roads, for better leadership baxide im a born n bred Jamaican :
I WANT JUSTICE AND I WANT IT NOW

Im grateful

I appreciate the things in life that I have simply because for the most part I know I couldn't do  without them... I appreciate all the things my family has done for me I appreciate every thing that v.d has done for me. Ive never been one to not acknowledge the good that others have done for me but as I look around and I see some of the problems that other persons are having and I must say praise jesus that im not in their position.
     There are some persons who for no reason of their own have ended up on the shitty end of the stick and and some have put themselves there who have noone to help them.  Throughout my life ive had persons who have gone out of their way and made  it their point of duty to ensure that ive had a good footing and that im comfortable. To these persons I say I am truly grateful and completely appreciative.
The belief that these persons have put in me has caused me to want to achieve, do well and make not only them proud but myself as well. Bwoy without them I don't know where    I would be. The constant words of encouragement the need to know what ill be doing with my mind next makes me want to do better makes me want to do more things to be a  better me and I am grateful. ...

Tuesday, 4 March 2014

Pleasantly surprised

I was pleasantly surprised when u pleasantly surprised me..... Im a very unassuming person when it comes to certain things dear I even say naiive and im happy I didn't judge u because as I said you pleasantly surprised me . Ur touch ur smell your smile nothing like I expected it to be but everything in sure God intended it to be.

U epitomize what chocolate n fine wine with roses on the side feels like. U make little things important and bad things seem more than bearable. .. ur my it my I want my need my  I got to have all the time everytime I'm filled with endless desire.

I trust u with me .. my heart my most prized possession because u pleasantly surprised me.

Sunday, 2 March 2014

Little by little

Little by little I've realised that my mom has been right all along... when I was growing up she kept telling me...you're an old woman in a young girls body...meaning I act and think wiser than my years.  I know that Im smart I know Im beautiful  but can others or do others really see this as well or am I simply like an  ugly girl who refuses to accept that she is ugly(living in denial)... am I too confident to realise my flaws...
  I keep hearing youve achieved much more than many people years and years older than u but I'm not convinced .. I think im operating way below my true potential... ive been in a slump and because of this slump ive become complacent ...
Little by little I'm trying to come out to do something to try new things n this little by little has been the hardest couple a weeks in a long time. Who knew that getting oneself out of a rut n trying to be a  better person could be so hard. ..  But its at these times that my Wiseness kicks in n I am reminded that little by little I can do whatever I want.